For Caregiver

This Page was created especially for people who look after those with special needs. Because of your good deeds, God will bless you!

Caregivers are the people who take care of those who need it. A caregiver can be a parent, a family member, a friend, a neighbor or anyone who looks after or take care of those with special needs.

A supportor is someone who is there for someone who needs it. They can support them financially, emotionally, mentally or physically. A supporter can be a parent, a family member, a friend, a neighbor, a doctor, a therapist, a religious group or anyone who provides for someone.

Being a caregiver or supporter is not always easy because dealing with a person with special needs is not always easy (but it can be rewarding). Many times a person with special needs are happy that we do the things we do for them but most either can't show it or don't know how to show it.

This part was created for caregivers and supporters to provide support because many times this group of people are often overlooked and unappreciated. Many times people look at a parent of a special needs child and place the blame on the parent for the child being the way they are by not doing certain things or by not disciplining them properly. When family members or others do things for those with special needs they are often looked down on by others. People often question them about why are they doing certain things for the person with special needs.

Many times those with Special Needs need a caregiver or someone to look out for them and help them with tasks they have difficulties with. If you are a caregiver, a parent, a sibling, a family member, a friend or just someone who care about the well being of those with disabilities, you will be blessed.

Those with disabilities are often thankful for your love, time, patience, support and help but most don't know how to (or can't) tell or show you how much they appreciate it.

Helping those with Special Needs is not always easy. Many times you have to put up with the person's challenging behavior or trying to figure out how to meet their needs properly. But the most difficult problem you may face is from people you don't know or from people who don't understand the person or their disability.

Many people are just plain ignorant. Ignorant is not an insult. Ignorant means that you don't know something. An ignorant person does not know certain things, so we all are ignorant to a certain extent. Even though a person is ignorant doesn't mean that a person has to stay ignorant. But many people choose ignorance because they fear things that they don't understand. Those are the people who will cause you many problems.

As a caregiver you choose not to be ignorant. Because you care for someone with special needs, you are given a special gift, the gift of intelegence. Before your loved one with special needs was created, you were ignorant to the subject of special needs. You may not have given special needs one thought or looked at those with special needs and said better that family than mine or you may have even looked down on or blamed the caregivers of those with special needs. Then the day came where a person with special needs entered your life and changed it forever. Then you had to break your ignorance and learn about the special needs of your loved one. You could no longer fear something that you didn't understand. You became a new and better person because of it.

How To Connect With A Person With Special Needs Better:

Many times we may view a person with special needs as a burden or a problem. Some people think of them as annoying, worrysome or nerve wrecking. Other people laugh at, tease or harass them. To some their cheap amusement.

As caregivers and supporters we often view the person with Special Needs as helpless because they can't do some of the things we do or others their age do. We view them as hopeless because they may not be able to hold a good job or live on their own totally independently. We may even view them as unreachable because they may not speak or comprehend like most people. Most of the time we feel sorry for them and wish that things was different for them.

If a person has a severe or profound disability, we sometimes view them as unreachable and give up on teaching them. To us they are like a big giant baby who will be a baby for the rest of their life. They will not be prosperious at all so we stop teaching them.

If a person has a moderate disability we often view them as a little child and we watch what we do and say around them, talk down to them or hide important information from them because we think they won't understand and we don't want the task of trying to help them understand. To us they are a little kid for life and we try and treat them like the little kid we think they will always be. They are not capable of going to college and getting a good paying job. In our eyes they will never prosper so we stop teaching them and care for them as we would a little child.

If a person has a mild disabilty we often view them as being like us but struggling a little with some things and we set our expections of them too high for their abilities because we hope that one day they will overcome their disability. We often push them beyond their limits, nag them about being lazy or not trying hard enough which sometimes causes them to act out aggressively or abuse alcohol or drugs.

When dealing with a person with special needs, we must first learn to accept them as they are, no matter how mild or severe their disability is.

Remember: God made them the way they are so they must have a purpose.

Then we must get rid of our negative emotions and feelings. We must not feel sorry for the person, that is the last thing they need. We must not force our dreams, hopes and ideas on them or set our expections too high for them. We must not focus only on what the person cannot do or just on their limitations.

Remember: A person with special needs is human and just because they lack a few things that we have, don't mean they lack feelings and emotions too. People with Special Needs are often sensitive.

Next we must listen and learn from this person. Many times we listen only to what we want to hear and assume or believe what we want to hear or believe. We fail to allow the person to deeply express themselves. Many times when a person with Special Needs express their feelings we stop them and try to correct them or we stop them because we don't like what they have said or how they have said it. We tell them they are wrong when they are being open and honest with us or we add our opinion. Some of us even become too critical of what the person says or does and stop paying attention to the message behind the person's words or actions.

If we take the time to listen without interupting or adding and allow the person to speak deeply from their heart, then we can learn a lot more about them. We can learn what their abilities are and what their dreams, hopes and goals are. Once we do this we can connect with them better and help them set goals and develop dreams that are appropiate for them.

Remember: A person with special needs have feelings, emotions and ideas but may not express their feelings and emotions like we do. Also many people with special needs don't think or view the world from the same prospective as we do. So the important thing to do is to listen to the person so we can learn from them and try to see the world from their perspective.

Then we must help the person find their talent and help them build on it. Many people with special needs have a special talent, skill, gift or subject of interest. Some don't know what it is, so it is our job to help them find it. Others know what it is but they just don't know how to use it, so its our job to help them strengthen it.

Remember: God gave everyone a gift so helping someone to find and use their gift is your special calling.

Finally we must offer love, encouragement and support. Most people with special needs are not like us. They don't think like we do or express themselves the same way we do and we must accept and respect that.

Remember: Many people with special needs have the heart of a child.

What People With Special Needs Can Teach Us:

1. Don't be so critical and judgemental of others.

As "typical" adult we tend to "label" people by what we think. If a woman wears short skirts we assume she has multiple sex partners instead of thinking maybe she like short skirts. If a person don't have a high school diploma we asssume they are dumb or ignorant instead of thinking about why they may have dropped out. If a person don't act or look the way we think is appropiate, we think of them as "strange", "weird", "crazy" etc...

People with Special Needs often look at everyone as just "a person". They don't care what the person looks like or what the person have unless someone has taught them to think like that. They focus more on the person's inner beauty instead of the person's outer appearance.

2: Love whatever it is with all your heart.

As "typical" adults we often choose our interest by what we think is appropiate. If we love something that is not what we consider appropiate, we try to hide it or convience ourselves that it is wrong.

People with Special Needs often have a special type of love. If they love someone, everyone around them will know it. If they find a hobby, object or activity they love, everyone will know. People with Special Needs openly love who ever or what ever and don't care who has a problem with it.

3. Give freely from your heart.

As "typical" adults we tend to pick and choose who we give things to. Many of us give to others expecting to get something in return. Others of us tend to be controlling of what we give. We want to know what the person is going to do (or what they did) with what we gave them.

Most people with Special Needs like to share, especially with those they care about and expect others to do the same. They only want to know if what they gave us made us happy or if we liked it.

4. Treat others as you would like to be treated.

As "typical" adults we often treat people as we think they should be treated. We often prejudge people and treat them according to our beliefs. For example, if we see a schizophrenic person talking to the voices in their head, we may laugh at them or act uncomfortable around them. If we see a person who is homosexual, we may be rude to them because we don't approved of their lifestyle. If we see an person who drinks a lot, we may treat them bad because we feel that they are nothing but an alcoholic.

People with Special Needs want to be treated with respect and treat everyone from a baby to a senior citizen and even a homeless person with the same deal of respect. Most will treat you the same way they want everyone to treat them even if you may not find it appropiate. To them a schizophrenic is a schizophrenic, a homosexual is just a homosexual and an alcoholic is just someone who like to drink a lot of alcohol and the person will treat them all the same without judgement.

5. Be honest.

As "typical" adults we tell lies, lots of them. We lie to avoid hurting other people feelings, we lie to get what we want from people and we lie to avoid doing things we don't want to do.

People with Special Needs rarely lie like we do. They may lie to get themselves out of trouble, lie to avoid doing something only if they feel pressured to or lie to protect something they care about but most of the time the are open, honest and direct. If you ask them something, they will give you an honest answer, even if it hurts your feelings. If you ask them to do something that they don't want to, they will honestly reject your request. People with Special Needs rarely lie, cheat or steal to get what they want and may even be quick to tell you, "that is not right".

6. Make time to do the things you enjoy.

As "typical" adults we forget to have fun and do things that we like to do. We focus on all the things we have to do such as work, care for home and plan for the future. We think that five or ten minutes of fun will corrupt our lives.

People with Special Needs are often playful by nature and love to have fun. Some like to play board games, cards, video games etc... Others like to go to fun places like events, the park, movies, museums etc... They may also have hobbies such as collecting things, but no matter what they enjoy doing they make an effort to do it.

7. Forgive others and let go.

As "typical" adults we tend to loose our tempers and yell and swear and hurt the feelings of others and others do the same to us. Many times we have a tendency to hold a grude towards those who hurt us and won't move on. Or we will continue to be mad long after the person who hurt us admit their wrong doings. Some of us may have the tendency to "remind" someone of their wrong doing long after it has happened.

People with Special Needs will often throw a tantrum when they get angry. They may yell, swear, throw things or get physically aggressive but they will forgive those who admit they are wrong and go on with their day once they have calmed down. They are also quick to accept an apology from someone who has hurt their feelings or did them wrong.

8. Be tolerant and accepting of everyone.

As "typical" adults we tend to look at people and judge them even if we don't know them. Based on our judgement we decide on how we will treat a person and adjust our attitudes to what we feel will be appropiate. Sometimes we will try to change things and people instead of accepting them as they are. Many times we meet a mate and try to change them into the person we want them to be or try to force our kids to do things that we think they should be doing.

People with Special Needs tend to view everyone as a human. How the person treats or react to them is what shape their opinions of the person. If someone is nice to them they accept the person as they are and tolerate even the most annoying qualities of a person. People with Special Needs are also able to accept things that they know they can't change and they accept anyone as they are without change.

The Most Important Lesson:

To enter the kingdom of God, you must humble yourself and make yourself as teachable as a small child.

How The "Typical" Person Thinks:

Many times we are able to see life from the view point of those with physical disabilities but not from the view point of someone with a developmental, mental or emotional disability. It is easier for many of us to view the world through the eyes of a blind person, deaf person or a person who uses a wheelchair because they are a lot like us. They have average or above intellegence, have a good understanding of the world, some are interested in politics or current events but they just can't see, hear or walk. We find it easy to hold a conversation with a blind person or someone in a wheelchair and we feel compassion for those who can't hear us. But when it comes to someone who has a mental illness or a developmental disability, we don't know how to properly connect with them.

Many times we think we can't connect with people who have mental illness because we think that they live in their own world. We think that they are out of touch with what is going on in real life and that they have their own set of beliefs. Or we don't understand why a depressed person is so sad all the time.

We also tend to view the person as their disability instead of a person like us who has a mental illness (Ex: We'll say someone is bipolar instead he or she has bipolar or someone is schizophrenic instead of he or she has schizophrenia.)

When a person has a developmental disability many times we think of them as being limited. We try to do everything for them because we feel that they can't handle it. We often plan for their future but fail to help them plan for their own future because we don't see a bright one for them.

We love our children, grand-children, sisters, brothers, neices, nephews, cousins, friends and others with developmental disabilities but we never take the time to help them like we should. Even though we mean well and our hearts are in the right place, sometimes we do more harm than good. For example we may treat our adult child with moderate mental retardation the same way we would a "typical" 5 or 6 year old instead of like an adult with mental limitations.

About a Person With Special Needs:

Each day is a new adventure for them. Each day they get up and make plans to do what ever it is they like to do. They may watch their favorite TV shows or movie, play their favorite video or computer game or do their favorite activity. But what ever it is they do, they enjoy it, take pride in it and it makes them happy and content.

It takes very little to please them because they live to please others and enjoy the simple things in life. A trip to the zoo, museum, park or movies will make them happy. A compliment or a little praise makes them happy. A cookie, ice cream or a nice treat pleases them. A little of your time excites them. A person with special needs don't care about what items you own or how much money you have, they cherish your time. So being around a person with special needs won't get you in no financial trouble.

A Tale of Two Worlds: (Written in "Normal" terms)

There is a "normal" world in which most people would consider themselves to live in. People who live in this world try to do what they "think" is right. The object of life is to learn as a child (learn from your parents, finish school, go to college and get a degree), become productive (get a good job, leave home and become independent), be fruitful and plentiful (get married and have as many children as you can afford) and be happy (live a good life). Many of us try to do this but we fail but it is "okay" because we are trying. Going to college, working, living on our own and having a mate and children is what we consider "normal".

There is also a "special" world which most people don't understand. The special world is kind of like Heaven on Earth. The people who make up this world are people with developmental disabilities. These people don't have all the abilities we have but they have abilities far more powerful than ours.

God divided the world like this hoping that we can learn from one another. But so far God is disappointed. Many people don't understand people with Special Needs so they tease, harass or mistreat them. This upsets many of us as caregivers but sometimes we are almost as guilty.

As caregiver or supporters we look at the person's disability and see that they can't live in a "normal" world so we give up on them. The person may have problems comprehending, understanding, retaining information or learning so we stop teaching them because they are not college or trade school material. The person struggle with taking care of themselves so we take care of them instead of teaching and helping them to take care of themselves. The person may think and act like a child so we try to limit their interactions with the opposite sex because we don't want them to bare children. But even with all they go through and all that we and others put them through they still manage to be happy and content to a certain extent.

Tearing Down the Wall:

There is a mental wall that seperates the two worlds. As caregivers and supporter we must help tear down this wall that separate our loved ones from the "normal" world. The first step is to start with ourselves.

We like to think of ourselves as the best caregiver or supporters because we do a lot for the person but there are some harmful things that many of us do to our loved ones that we don't realize.

Many of us know that the world views the normal people as "we or us" and people with special needs as "them or people like them" and sometimes we find ourselves doing the same. As a result we seperate ourselves from our loved one with special needs.

A lot of us relate our loved ones with their disabilities and focus on their disabilities and not on their abilities. If our loved one has problems comprehending, retaining information or learning we stop teaching them. We consider them to be unteachable or unreachable or we consider them to be "slow". If our loved one struggle with taking care of themselves, we have a tendency to believe that they "can't" take care of themselves, so we feel a need to take care of them. We fail to be patient and continue teaching them.

We as caregivers and supportors need to change our attitudes towards our loved ones with Special Needs. First we must accept our loved ones as they are, disabilities and all. For example: My son has mental retardation, not my son is retarded. My daughter has Down Syndrome or my cousin has Autism.

Once we fully accept our loved one as they are, we must learn to focus on our loved one as a person, not as a disability. For example: My son is easy to please, my daughter is very loving or my cousin draws very well.

Once we focus on our loved ones abilities, we should focus less on what they are unable to do.

Remember that we all have a gift and we all have strengths and weaknesses. We may not be able to draw but we can sing. We may not be able to fix a car but we can mend a pair of torn jeans or we may not beable to fix a car but we can cook a meal from scratch. Our loved ones with Special Needs are no different. They may not be able to take care of themselves alone but may be able take care of themselves with help. Or they may not be able to read or comprehend things that others their age can but they may be more loving than their peers or may be able to sing, dance or draw better that some of their peers.

Acts 20:35 (New International Version)

In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.' "

People with Special Needs are often weak in certain areas of their lives and we must step in and help them. If we give a person some of our time, it will be precious to them and we will be blessed.

Matthew 6:1 (New International Version)

"Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.

When being a caregiver or supportor for someone with Special Needs, don't do it just to get recognition from others or as an extra income. Do it because you want to and mean it from your heart so that you will be blessed.

James 1:27 (New International Version) Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

This means that if you see a person in need who is without a family or support, check on them and help them for you will be blessed.

Our Online Church opperate from the generious donations we recieve from people and businesses. If you would like to make a donation to All God's People Online Ministry, we thank you very much for your support. If you feel that we have met your spiritual needs and you would like to give us your Tithes and/or Offerings, feel free to do so. All donations recieved will be used to help us to people to meet their spiritual, emotional and mental needs!

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